Not all chocolate bars are created equal. Some chocolates are too sweet or too dark. Sometimes the ratio of ingredients are off and lean too hard on one element. Sometimes it is just trying to be too many things at once so it is just to much for everyone involved. There are not just plain chocolate bars out there either; from nuts to caramel to nougat there are many varieties of the tasty snack to keep your tastebuds occupied. Because there are so many out there, we may have multiple favourites. Maybe you used to like one kind of chocolate bar but ate so much of it that you can’t stand it. Perhaps you make yourself eat dark chocolate because it is supposedly healthier but secretly love a good white chocolate chunk.
From newer favourites to old forgotten bars, we have tried to include a wide variety of chocolate bars in our consideration. Judging chocolate bars is not easy, but someone has to do it; luckily we are more than happy to oblige. We have some strong opinions about candy bars and we know you do too. We have our personal favourites, some which should be taken down a peg or two and some that should be dumped straight in the bin. We could not judge all of the chocolate bars in store shelves since we only have so much time and so much money for taste testing (but we would like to do that). Let us know if we included your favourite candy bar – we always love hearing from you.
21 Overrated: Hershey’s Original
This is the quintessential modern American chocolate bar. If you travel to an international grocery store, this will be the one American chocolate bar. It’s overly sweet and just okay. There is not much to say here. It’s just a standard overly sweet chocolate bar. There is not a lot to this one since it’s a one-note chocolate bar. Simplicity is not always bad and this bar is not bad, it’s just okay. There are far superior chocolate bars out there. Hershey's original chocolate bar is not a top tier chocolate bar. You can disagree but we know what we’re talking about.
20 Underrated: Milky Way
We love Milky Way bars. The soft vanilla nougat and the thin chocolatey coating are the perfect after-school snack. Any Milky Way candies are good (shoutout to Milky Way Crispy Rolls). People say that Milky Way bars are boring but we know you were excited to eat it as a kid. These are never left at the bottom of Halloween bags and multipacks. People who have nut allergies can eat this and at least it has multiple flavours and textures going on. Sure, you could add more chocolate but then you’d lose the satisfaction of how easily the thin chocolate layer breaks when you bite into it.
19 Off The Shelf: Whoppers
The lame twin brother of Maltesers, Whoppers are a dull, weak choice on store shelves. We have not met anyone who buys these or even remembers what they taste like. Maltesers dominate the market and are clearly the superior choice out of the two. This is another candy we have never seen someone choose over Maltesers or even just buy in general. Everyone has accepted it, so whoppers should just give up and bow out gracefully. It’s time. Thank you for your service, Whoppers. You made many people happy over the years and will be missed. See you, space cowboy.
18 Overrated: Snickers
There are so many chocolate peanut caramel candy bars on the shelves right now. For real, there are only so many ways those three ingredients can be mixed together. Just freaking pick like three and just sell those three. Snickers is like the quarterback of a high school movie – popular for no explicable reason. The only reason that this is not in the off the shelves category is that this is popular as heck, even if we think it is overrated. Peanuts don’t even taste that good. The fact that this candy bar even got a cereal screams overrated to us. Just calm down, Snickers.
17 Underrated: Kinder Bueno
People have been sleeping on Kinder Bueno and we will not stand for it any longer. Buenos are popular overseas but it’s just Americans have not woken up to what they are missing. Crispy wafer topped with chocolate and sprinkles wrapped around tasty hazelnut cream, this light fluffy treat is the writer’s number one snack. You can even get a white chocolate version if you aren’t a fan of milk chocolate! Kinder Bueno is the perfect snack; it’s creamy, it’s crunchy, it’s chocolatey, it’s light – the only thing wrong with this chocolate bar is the fact that it is not in our office right now.
16 Off The Shelf: Mallo Cup
Mallo Cups suck. The structural integrity is trash, the marshmallow core is a weird consistency, and why does there need to be coconut on top? The chocolate base is too thin so it melts on the packaging no matter what you do. Even Milky Way has a thicker chocolate outside that Mallo Cups do. The marshmallow itself does not taste of anything so you might as well just eat a Bounty. The only thing it has going for it is the chocolate and the fact that the marshmallow is not grainy in texture. If you want a superior version of this, go for a Dickmann’s, a german snack we discussed in another article.
15 Overrated: Bounty
Speaking of Bounty, why is it called Bounty? Is it because they are always left at the bottom of multipack chocolate boxes? The ration of chocolate to coconut is way off. The dark chocolate would be nice if it actually had the chance to shine through and the coconut is way too sweet. Coconut also has a weird texture that is just off-putting in terms of mouthfeel. The only person we know to eat Bounties are the writer’s parents and we doubt their taste buds because of this. Just balance out the ratio or get a different chocolate bar. Preferably the latter.
14 Underrated: Hershey’s Cookies And Crème
Alongside Hershey’s Original chocolate bar, the Hershey’s Cookies and Crème bar is a staple in the American food section of international grocery stores. This is the superior of the two as it’s creamy, a little crunchy, and tastes good. The not-Oreos add some lovely texture and the chocolate melts nicely in your mouth. We are not claiming that this is the best chocolate bar out there, just that it should be better appreciated in the world of chocolate candy bars. Now, if you will excuse us, we’re going to have a nibble of Hershey’s Cookies And Crème bar (or five).
13 Off The Shelf: Payday
Again with the peanuts, America. Only this time there is not even any chocolate on it. There is only so many ways peanuts, chocolate, and syrup can go together, and this is the worst way. It is just sweet and salty without any creaminess from the chocolate. The nougat isn’t that great and just kinda makes everything all mushy and sticky in your mouth – not in a good way. Peanuts aren’t strong enough to stand on their own in most cases; clearly or else you’d just get packs of plain peanuts. All in all, this bar should just be taken off the shelves.
12 Overrated: Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup
Peanut butter just is not that good. It just tastes like paste and dries out your mouth. Sure, it provides a lot of protein, but it has a lot of saturated fats and frankly, the crunchy kind makes the experience worse. The only reason Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups are bearable to eat is that they have some chocolate on them, but the ratio is off; there is way too much peanut butter for the chocolate to handle. Also, how many people have bought one of those Christmas themed ones only to be greeted with something that looks like it came out of a toilet?
11 Underrated: Caramello
Chocolate and caramel are always delicious. This bar does not try to be anything more than it is. It keeps things simple with no bells or whistles. Caramello knows what it is and doesn’t make a fuss out of it. If you want something sweet and comforting, this one has your back. Some people think that this is a boring choice, but it has more going on than bars that just have chocolate and nothing else. The caramel is smooth and sweet and complements that milk chocolate well. These should be handed out more at Halloween instead of Bounty bars.
10 Off The Shelf: Chunky
Not only does like chocolate bar have peanuts in it but it also has raisins. Really?? Eating this is like biting into what you think is a chocolate chip cookie but finding out it’s raisin but it also has chopped peanuts for some reason. Raisins do not belong in chocolate bars. Peanuts at least add crunch and salt, but raisins just have a weird texture and make the chocolate crumble around them to make a mess. The only thing messier than nutty chocolate is a Nature Valley bar. Who even buys these anymore? This is just a lot for such a small snack.
9 Overrated: Mars Bars
Mars bars are not something you crave. They aren’t something you outright buy in a store, they are something someone offers you and you go ‘eh, alright’. The ratio of nougat to caramel to chocolate is garbage and it sticks to your mouth like overly sweet paste. Mars bars aren’t really worth spending your money on and we don’t think they deserve all the hype they get. Your arteries won’t thank you for eating it and neither will your dentist. Mars bars are the ones that get left in the box with Bountys and you eventually just eat them because they are there.
8 Underrated: Toblerone
For starters, you can get bars of these that are a meter long. Second, there is a hidden bear in the mountain illustration. Third, the chocolate is rich, the nougat crunchy and flavourful and the price is not too bad considering it’s imported. The triangular chunks are in helpful serving sizes and are satisfying to break off if you decide to ignore serving suggestions (any serving can be a single serving if you try hard enough and believe in yourself). The nougat is broken into tiny bits so the bar is balanced. Toblerone is a favourite for us, give it a try.
7 Off The Shelf: Three Musketeers
Three Musketeers are an inferior version of Milky Way and we are prepared to fight you on that. The nougat does not taste as good and the chocolate is too sweet. There is no need to have two that are pretty much the same, just keep selling the best one and get rid of this one. The only time you see people eating Three Musketeers is on Halloween when they go trick or treating. We have never seen anyone buy a Three Musketeers bar. Also, what kind of a name is Three Musketeers for a candy bar? It’s pretty weird.
6 Overrated: KitKat
Sure, KitKats are light, slightly creamy, and crunchy chocolate bars but they do not deserve all the hype they get. The original ones are kay, but the Chunky KitKats are far superior in terms of ratio and crunch satisfaction. Also, you get more for your money. While we are discussing KitKats, anyone who just bites into the KitKats before snapping each individual row is a monster. Biting all of them at once like a regular chocolate bar is absolute madness. If you do this, leave this article right now because we can’t deal with that but maybe explain why you do that.
5 Underrated: Baby Ruth
Yes, we did just spend some time dragging chocolate bars with peanuts in them. However, we did say to pick maybe three of them and stick with it. If we were to pick three peanut chocolate bars, this would be one of them. The nougat is light and ties all the flavours together nicely. The chocolate is not overbearing and while the ratio leans a little heavy on the nougat, the nougat is so light that it is not a problem. Also Baby Ruth is kind of a cute name that reminds us of a sweet grandma.
4 Off The Shelf: Take 5
Jeez, there is way too much going on here. This abomination is pretzel, caramel, peanut, peanut butter, milk chocolate cookie – that is way too many descriptors! Just pick like two things. This chocolate bar (if you can even call it that) is probably having an identity crisis since it’s trying to be everything at once. Take 5 literally needs to take a leaf out of its own book and take five minutes to figure itself out. Taking it off the shelf will allow it to do that. Take 5 is a cool name for a chocolate bar though, we’ll give it that.
3 Overrated: Butterfingers
Talk about an oversaturation of peanuts in the chocolate candy bar market. There are only two reasons why this is better than Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups; the ratio of peanut butter to chocolate is improved due to the size and shape and there are actual peanuts to provide another layer of texture to an otherwise totally boring candy bar. For these reasons, it is a better choice than a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup, but there are way better candy choices out there. Also Butterfingers is an interesting name choice – don’t know if we’re into it or not.
2 Underrated: Crunch
If you want something sweet, crunchy, and simple Crunch has you covered. Like Caramello, Crunch knows what it is and doesn’t try to overextend itself. Rice Krispies and chocolate is a classic Easter treat but it is in a convenient bar form all year round. Crunch should be more popular, it’s a classic kids’ treat without the effort of making it. Too bad it is missing the mini eggs on top to complete the classic British treat. Tasty and satisfying, you should give this one a try the next time you have a craving you can’t shake.
1 Off The Shelf: Whatchamacallit
We have said it before and we will say it again: what is with the obsession with peanuts, chocolate, and caramel. Aren't we all a little spoiled for choice at this point? Surely they can't all taste so different that we need so many varieties of the same thing? It just seems crazy to us. Yeah, the crisps are peanut flavoured and not actually peanuts but still we think our point still stands. Also, what kind of a name is Whatchamacallit anyway? It is kinda outdated and should be left in the past at this point.