Food Shows across the country and even internationally draw viewers from hardcore foodies to those of us just looking to root for our favorite contestant. We tune in for game show style entertainment, and we tune in to see Snoop Dogg cook brownies with Martha Stewart. Hey, the more absurd the pairing the better. We aren't going to argue with that theory. Sometimes the best parts of these shows are the brutally honest (or just plain mean) remarks from the judges, hosts, and contestants alike. Honestly if we're being truthful with ourselves this is probably one of the biggest factors in why we tune in night after night.
Who doesn't love a good Gordon Ramsay rant, or a nice sabotage that only Alton Brown can make just a tiny bit worse? Who among us hasn't laughed with glee anytime someone gets a whole chicken in a can as their mystery ingredient on Chopped? Cheering for the weirdest possible mystery ingredients on Iron Chef was just par for the course. We all get a little jolt of excitement when the judges make "the face" which you know means they hate what they've eaten. The anticipation of what they're about to say is so delicious we wish we could actually taste it. Our inner cynic just can't resist these moments and we are here for it. Presenting 20 times these exact shows were brutal in the most hilarious ways. Set aside some time to put your sarcasm loving hat on, and read on.
20 Gordon Ramsay VS. Joseph Tinnelly
Gordon Ramsay and Joseph Tinnelly square off quite dramatically throughout this entire confrontation on Hell's Kitchen. Gordon starts out by requesting Joseph's nomination for the worst performing team member. Joseph avoids directly answering the question several times before Gordon starts to lose patience. The next time he is forced to repeat his question he really lays it out by prefacing it with his now iconic line, "Listen, I know you may be slightly stupid..." The two continue to exchange pretty hilarious insults back and forth, but we all know by now that Gordon will always win these battles. When Joseph is told to leave Gordon gets the last laugh as he says, "Watch the step" while Joseph then trips on the step and walks off camera.
19 Tom Parker Bowles, Family Food Fight
Tom Parker Bowles brings the snark in strong on Australia's food show "Family Food Fight." Think of him as Simon Cowell, but with food. He's often helpful with critiques but you have to really dig into the sarcasm to see the help there. Honestly it makes for hilarious moments for those of us watching at home. It's not our food after all. Presented with a dish that he was particularly unimpressed with he comments "It sort of dies on the palate. It's the sort of thing you'd expect on business class, on a second tier airline." Given that Tom Parker Bowles probably despises both business class AND second tier airlines, this comment has that extra sting we all love to laugh at. Well played, Mr. Bowles. Well played.
18 When The Chef Calls Himself An Idiot On Chopped
In a rare moment of both food show insanity and just plain sheer honesty we have Chef Luis coming in hot. Luis starts out making a cake that's sure to impress. As he gets ready to finish, one MAJOR thing goes wrong. Chef Luis wants to top his cake with sugar, but when he goes to caramelize the sugar he makes a big mistake. The chef instead dumps salt into the pan, resulting in a flash of fire. Before anyone else can even pipe up to chide him Chef Luis takes the chance to indulge in a little self flagellation when he responds with, "Oh my god that's salt. I'm an idiot." Well, at least he's honest.
17 The "Chopped" Chef Vs. Chef Throwdown
In this Champions Tournament episode of Chopped, chefs Wade Burch and James Gillespie really get nice and catty. It's a beautiful thing to behold. It seems James' strategy had been to goad Wade as much as possible and it worked. Wade takes the bait and the two men exchange cutting remarks throughout the entire show, much to the enjoyment of many at home viewers. The highlight of the verbal sparring match comes when Wade suggests that James might be wrong about something, to which James replies, "I don't think I'm wrong. I'm undefeated." Arrogance that makes us laugh? Yes please.
16 Worst Cooks In America Watches A Contestant Slice Meat With A Spatula
It's safe to say we aren't expecting professional level skills when it comes to this show. The appeal is watching kitchen newbies make some mistakes that we at home love to laugh (and mock) as the show moves along. However, sometimes even the chefs there to help them are shocked at what they see. Thinking the spatula would hold her meat in place she confidently stated, "The spa-tu-ler is pre-cutting the meat for me." Upon watching this disaster Tyler responded with, "Jersey chainsaw massacre over there." Sometimes even those assigned to be patient with new cooks just can't contain themselves and we're 100% here for it.
15 The "Chopped" Grill Pan Tug-Of-War
Chopped gives us many delicious moments of hilarity but not many get better than seeing chefs actually fight over a cooking utensil. Add in the fact that the two fighting chefs couldn't be more different in size and you have a moment of food TV gold. Elda Bielanski and Keith Young both run for the grill pan after getting Wagyu steak in their baskets. Elda is a tiny little thing while Keith towers over her as the stand off ensues. To make this moment even more amazing, Elda bests the much larger Keith by prying his fingers away, one by one. Apparently Keith should've picked on someone his own size.
14 Basically This Entire Episode Of Kitchen Nightmares
Who could forget the craziness brought about when Amy's Baking Company took center stage for their episode of Kitchen Nightmares? Delusional owners and an understandably frustrated Gordon Ramsay really gave us some prime entertainment that night. There are many moments in this particular episode that could be deemed TV gold (Gordon just flat out leaves the whole place to rot eventually) but one that's pretty underrated and lost in the fray is probably the utter look of confusion mixed with a hint of judgement when Amy tells Gordon they have three children that are "just trapped in cat bodies." Oh Gordon, you poor man. At least you tried?
13 "He Thinks It's Corn!"
In The Worst Cooks In America, Anne and Tyler definitely put up with their fair share of crazy cooking theories. It's to be expected when you're taking home cooks that probably don't even reach the level of novice yet. Even with that being said there are still moments that Chef Anne can't help but hold back on some of her well known fiery attitude. In an episode where it's explained that her cook thinks corned beef is a mix of vegetables and meat, she bursts out in laughter. She then has a second realization and shouts out; "He thinks it's corn!"
12 "My Gran Could Do Better... And She's Dead!"
This moment of Kitchen Nightmares has earned its own place in pop culture history. There are memes galore of these exact words parodying a variety of things. The frustration leading Gordon to these iconic words is no small mistake. A kitchen struggling on their reopening night sends out a Ceaser Salad that included carrots. Customers were confused and as Gordon saw the mistake return to the kitchen he confronted the chef responsible who responded that it was a very complicated salad. An exasperated Gordon couldn't understand this reasoning and quickly fired back with; "My gran could do better... and she's dead!" Somehow I feel like Grandma Ramsay really could do better, even from beyond the grave.
11 Restaurant: Impossible, "Ground Up Baby Food."
Who hasn't lost count of the times Robert Irvine managed to be brutal just by retching and pulling faces - an art form he perfected throughout his entire run of this show. It seemed to be a staple reaction for him anytime he was fed a struggling kitchen's food. Weak stomach or played up for cameras, either way it was quite entertaining. However, when Robert used his actual words in an episode where he was served spaghetti with sauce cooked by the restaurant dish washer, he took it to a whole new level. "It just tastes like ground up baby food," he said, before spitting the food out. Considering even babies spit out baby food, it's unlikely anyone blames him for not eating that.
10 "It Looks Like You've Just Had A Giraffe's Tongue Cut Out And Deep Fat Fried."
Gordon Ramsay sometimes gets an unfair shake when it comes to having a chance to actually be a nice person. His shows involve whipping novice chefs into shape, and dealing with restaurant owners who often think they can do no wrong. As usual in Kitchen nightmares Gordon sits down to taste the food, and is once again disgusted by the findings. At one point he picks up an indistinguishable piece of grey meat that flops around lifelessly. Understandably Gordon is more than a little confused. "What is that? It looks like you've just had a giraffe's tongue cut out and deep fat fried." I think it's safe to assume no one should eat that.
9 Cutthroat Kitchen's Dragon/Lizard Combo Sabotage
Right off the bat for this challenge we as viewers are already chuckling. Two grown adults forced to don lizard and robot costumes to compete? Awesome. However the challenge only gets better as the two are forced to become more and more creative in just HOW they are going to be cooking their basket of ingredients. At one point Sharie tells everyone how Fabio is setting up metal skewers to boil pots on. Fabio's final remark on this thrown together set up is the crown on this hilarious description when he just replies, "I'm like the MacGyver of Italy. Seriously." We wholeheartedly believe you Fabio.
8 "There Are More Kernels Than The Army In Here."
Family Food Fight comes back to us with yet another snarky Tom Parker Bowles moment. As the contestants were tasked with creating delicious popcorn balls for their judges it almost seemed too easy to mess up to them. They were wrong. Popcorn balls were presented to the judges and we all know our favorite snarkster couldn't just let that go by without his signature wit shining through. After eating one particular contestant's popcorn ball he spit it out and remarked, "There are more kernels in here than the Army!" Pretty sure no one wants to hear that when it comes to any kind of popcorn they've made.
7 "That's Like, Their Job."
Sometimes the best moments of hilarity come from not the judges vs the contestant, but from chefs talking to other chefs while waiting for the results. As one Chopped contestant spills his emotions stating, "It just feels like they have a lot of critiquing you know? About the dish." Unswayed by his near tears confession and frustration, his fellow contestant gives him a look of annoyance and replies, "That's like, their job." So so true. The judges are there to rip apart what is given to them so they can pick a winner (and so we can laugh at home at their witty cut-downs). This might've been a can't take the heat stay out of the kitchen situation.
6 Anthony Bourdain Hates Fast Food... Unless It's Jollibee's
Anthony Bourdain was always known for his strongly worded opinions. He brought entertainment to many with shows like No Reservations and Parts Unknown. One thing he never hid was his hatred for fast food. In an episode of Parts Unknown where Bourdain visits a Jollibee's he both admits he's a hypocrite and that he still hates fast food. He even starts out the segment with this unforgettable yet laugh inducing line. "It is true that I lie to my daughter and tell her Ronald McDonald has been implicated in the disappearance of small children." He does go on to say that Jollibee's is the exception and as we can see, he's quite enjoying that fast food meal with a true "haters be gone" sort of attitude.
5 Martha Stewart Cuts Seth Meyers Down With Just A Look.
Martha Stewart is no exception from doling out the hilarious stings we've come to adore on these types of shows. This episode involves Seth Meyers and Martha making some Valentine's day drinks, foods, and crafts. As they reach the part where it's time to mix cocktails Seth has a hard time opening the cocktail shaker. Eventually Seth gives up and sets the cocktail shaker down. Martha then picks it up and opens it with one simple twist of the wrist. The best part is the smile of condescension on her face as she does it, which doesn't go unnoticed by Seth or the studio audience. Cutting someone to size with just a look seems like something only Martha could do.
4 Cutthroat Kitchen Double Sabotage
It's okay to admit the reason we watch Cutthroat Kitchen is to see how much Alton Brown can tease chefs during their challenges. In this particular episode chefs are given eggs to cook with what he calls a "heat challenge." They are asked to use everything from a heat gun, to a device that cooks eggs in a tube shape. The worst was given to Chef Kathy... a hair straightening iron, later adding in that she had to do this while cooking on a treadmill. Keeping the treadmill moving was key, but it meant she was unable to belly right up to her cook table, resulting in one of the most hilarious sabotages we've seen on this show.
3 Alton Brown's "No Paper, Please" Reminder
Alton Brown won the hearts of many with his Bill Nye The Science Guy approach to teaching home cooks both recipes and the chemistry behind them. We've later gotten to see his less reserved personality in other shows like Cutthroat Kitchen but that doesn't mean he didn't get in a few one liners on Good Eats too. In an episode where he's teaching us all how to make the best meatloaf we'll probably ever eat, Brown begins to break down the dry ingredients that go into your food processor. As he reaches the garlic cloves and tosses them in he impishly smiles at the camera and says; "No paper please!" And let's admit it, most of us probably needed that reminder.
2 Master Chef Makes Gordon Ramsay Cry
Before we all assume this was an episode of Master Chef Junior, it most assuredly wasn't. Gordon's team presents a desert that is deemed to be underwhelming. It's basically just cut up fruit in a cupcake wrapper that the contestant chef is insisting they call a "fruit shot." Gordon's disbelief at this lackluster presentation for a meal that's supposed to be fine dining is both seen and heard several times. As the chefs get ready to bring the food out to the customers Gordon slides against a wall and actually says, sans profanity for once; "That is the worst dish that's ever left my kitchen. I'm going to cry. I'm going to fricking cry."
1 The Zagats On Iron Chef
There were cooking shows before Iron Chef but this show gave viewers the blood thirst to see more competitions, more crazy stunts, and of course more snark that would sting like salt in a wound. This particular episode of Iron Chef featured Bobby Flay and Chef Morimoto. Although usually the spice and sass goes along with the judge to chef banter, in this case it was Mr. Zagat who dropped a sarcasm bomb that shouldn't be overlooked. As he was eating and getting tired of being asked how the food was while having a mic shoved in his face, Mr. Zagat turned to the announcer and retorted; "That's how you know something is good, is if someone isn't talking." Let the man enjoy his food!