Get Ready to Rumble: 20 Fast Food Mascots Ranked By Who Would Win In A Fight

Why most fast-food companies feel the need to have a mascot remains uncertain. Most people just go to a fast-food chain for the specific food they sell and the fact that it’s fast and easy; has anyone ever gone ‘because they liked the gimmicky mascot so much?’ We think not. Some are even downright creepy and will haunt our childhood memories forever. Like, whoever enjoyed seeing Ronald McDonald, when you walked in for a casual burger? We're certain that anyone at least once mistook the red-haired clown for the horrific monster of It. Clowns, in general, are no longer particularly associated with joy and happiness. But luckily, they’re mostly laughable and curious. Who would’ve ever thought that an oven mitten would be a suitable mascot for a sandwich bar! And Burger King’s ‘King’ is, besides its bizarre sensuality in some commercials, absolutely odd. I mean, a random guy wearing a massive plastic king head? He can’t even eat burgers, which you’d reckon is his main mission in advertising Burger King’s Burgers!

However, the real question is: if we put Ronald McDonald together in a fight with, say, Burger King’s King, who would win? Or would he lose against the bubbly Jollibee Mascot? Things to consider whether a mascot is a powerful opponent in a fight is their strength, mobility, agility, and a secret weapon. We can all imagine that Jollibee’s stinger would be a very handy weapon, and his wings—whether he’s not too fat to fly—are definitely an advantage. But is McDonald stronger? If this has piqued your curiosity, read further in our list of fast-food mascots ranked by who’d win in a fight!

20 Panda Express Mascot

Via inletsgo.com

Tom-Tom, the loveable Panda Mascot from Panda Express, the large food company, is just utterly adorable. Fluffy and cuddly, we just can’t imagine this ball of fur winning any fight against its powerful mascot opponents. True, he has claws that could seriously harm anyone, but to be honest, has any panda ever attacked anyone? Although we’ve learned from the Egypt commercial Angry Panda ‘never say no to panda’ that they can be quite scary, Tom-Tom isn't like that. We just want him to hug us.

19 Arby’s Oven Mitt

Via YouTube

It's quite unusual for any mascot creator or company to come up with an oven mitt as a mascot. Arby’s introduced him in 2003, the singing and dancing oven mitt supposedly giving the audience the idea that Arby’s serves quality food. Although he's sort of funny, he'd be no match in any fight with his singing and dancing. And what do you expect when your body is made from cotton? He doesn’t even have any legs to run away with! Besides maybe slapping someone softly, the Arby’s oven Mitt doesn’t do much harm to anyone.

18 Dairy Queen’s Curly Cone

Via dqroosevelt.com

This happy ice cream cone mascot from Dairy Queen is called ‘Curly Cone’ and is quite popular. He’s often representing Dairy Queen in special events and community initiatives, and we're sure he's putting a smile on everybody’s faces. He wears the cone like a skirt, and he’s got the cutest little curl of hair on his head. However, his goodwill is no match for any mascot on this list. His hands are soft and sweet; his head, large and happy; and his shoes don’t look like the ones meant for kicking or running. Besides that, every girl who wears a skirt will know how hard it is to run in that outfit!

17 Cuppy of Dunkin Donuts

Via pinterest.com

Cuppy, the mascot of Dunkin Donuts, is often accompanied by his best friend, the Dunkin Donut. He represents the company as an iced (coffee) drink, hoping his glee will bring joy to everyone and cause a rush at Dunkin Donuts. To be honest, we don’t think Dunkin needs any mascots to try to sell their donuts, ‘cause they are just delicious. But we’re glad he’s around. Especially when we imagine how he’d perform in a fight with his tiny arms and legs and a rather cumbersome body. No, we reckon Cuppy should just stick to selling iced drinks.

16 Grimace of McDonald's

Via Reddit

Grimace, the huge purple anthropomorphic being with dinosaur-like arms and puffy legs, has probably played a prominent role in many nightmares of the youth who had to endure him at Maccas. He was the one who’d steal milkshakes from the ‘good guys.’ Who'd do that?! Although his body was supposed to be cuddly, he was just too odd for most of us. In a fight, he might be able to scare anyone off with his weird appearance or possibly fall onto someone, but that’s about all he has to offer in a duel. And we’re kinda happy with that.

15 Colonel Sanders of KFC

Via ew.com

Look, we’re not saying here that old people can’t put up a good fight, but imagining the KFC mascot in a duel against Noid from Domino’s pizza doesn’t win him much credit. Although he has the right physique (compared to most mascots in this list), Colonel Sanders isn't a man who’d enter a fight willingly. Based on the true founder of KFC, he’s often depicted holding a bucket of chicken, and that doesn’t really scare anyone. His face is friendly and inviting, and frankly, we’d rather eat his chicken instead of seeing him battle the mighty Noid.

14 Papa Murphy’s Mascot

Via Yelp

His bulging eyes and creepy smile earn the Papa Murphy’s mascot the 14th place on this list. Despite his awkward body, the 3D pizza slice's (verrrry creative) look in his eyes just betrays a certain ‘you don’t mess with me’ style. His yellow hands are quite large, and he has enough freedom with his legs to storm towards you. He might even be able to hurl some of those yummy pepperoni slices at his opponent. And we can just hear him whisper, after he’s defeated his nemesis, the slogan of Papa Murphy’s: “Handmade. Home baked.”

13 Krispy Kreme Mascot

Via twitter.com

With his large, donut-shaped head and big eyes, you wouldn’t consider him to be a worthy opponent on this list. His hands are too close to his head to enable him to use them in combat, but it’s the lower part of his body that gives him the advantage. He has long legs, which he's free to use, and sporty shoes that he can use for running and kicking. He could even dunk his large donut head onto his opponent and squash him. Although the mascot’s head is still quite cumbersome, he has some advantages that the other mascots before him on this list didn’t have.

12 The Hamburglar of McDonald's

Via timidfutures.com

The tiny little criminal of McDonald's is close friends with Grimace and Ronald McDonald and has appeared in commercials since 1971. Always attempting to steal (but often failing) to steal hamburgers, he wears a wide-brimmed black hat and a red cape. Although his luck might've run out in his pursuit of hamburgers, he'd stand a chance in a fight against mascots such as Colonel Sanders and Curly Cone because of his agile movements. He’s quick and fast, and before you know it, you’ve been struck by a whirlwind of the Hamburglar. Sometimes, strength isn’t everything.

11 Little Caesar Pizza Mascot

Via csnow.com

This large individual has a big nose, wears a toga, and enjoys Little Caesar’s Pizza’s. And really, who doesn’t? His big smile is definitely cute, but don’t be deceived. He’s got the perfect body for a match against the other mascots. With his muscular arms and legs and his enormous height, he towers above everybody else. Although we'd say that a toga might not be the most advantageous outfit in a fight and his shoes may be a bit too loose and open, he'd absolutely intimidate the strongest of mascots.

10 Denny’s Mascot

Via dennys.com

Although the mascot of Denny’s has had to endure a lot of rather embarrassing comments due to his similar appearance to a turd, he’s not to be messed with. The happy sausage doesn’t have the height and muscular strength of the Little Caesar Mascot, but he could use that to his advantage. Besides that, his teeth look scarily sharp, and he’s got a bit of a moody vibe about him. He definitely looks scary when he frowns. After all that bullying, Denny’s Sausage mascot could prove to be quite the match against his opponents.

9 Chick-fil-A's 'Eat mor Chikin' Cow

Via pinterest.com

Cows by themselves don’t look so impressive, but we all know by now that they have a dark side to them. Apparently, cows are more lethal annually than sharks! Who would’ve thought that? They've got awesome strength in their back legs, and they can bite ferociously. True, the chances that a cow attacks you are rather slim, and any mascot on this list should probably provoke him quite a bit for a fight to start, but we shouldn't underestimate the true powers of the cow. Especially if they eat chicken instead of grass.

8 Chuck E. Cheese's Mouse

Via youtube.com

If anyone has ever seen the Chuck E. Cheese's Mouse Mascot in a proper suit, you know why he’s quite high on the list. His eyes are small and sad, and his sharp front teeth are a nightmare for any block of cheese. The Chuck-e Cheese stare has become a meme that embodies true anxiety and dread that no fast-food mascot would want to face. Luckily, they've changed the appearance of the mascot a bit in order to make him look more friendly, but we know his real side now. And we don’t like it.

7 Jollibee

Via: Rappler

Bright red and yellow, happy as a clam, and jolly as any bee can be, the Jollibee mascot is not what he seems. Behind those smiling eyes lurks an enemy that'll defeat most mascots on this list. And it’s all because of his secret weapon: the stinger. Although his chubby body and bum mostly hide it, it's still there and ready to be used when anybody dares to get Jollibee out of his bubbly mood. Imagine a sword fight with this bad boy! He can even take to the air with his wings or run with his agile legs. We'd rather just see him twerk.

6 Jack In The Box

Via vimeo.com

Jack Box is the epitome of scary mascots with his empty glare and emotionless face. Who thought that placing a ping-pong ball on the mascot's head would be a good idea? And the yellow pointy hat is almost a tragic way to try to make his scary face seem more cheerful. This mascot wasn't made to do good and certainly won’t be an enjoyable opponent for any of the mascots here. He’s got the body and strength of a man and isn't afraid to use it. If his opponents can even withstand his hollow stare, we’d advise them to run and scream.

5 Noid of Domino’s Pizza

Via slatemagazine.com

Noid, the tiny man clad in a tight and red rabbit suit with his large teeth and big nose, was meant to embody the frustration everyone experienced when trying to order a pizza. He’s depicted in the commercials as a hot-headed fellow who would pull his ears in annoyance, and to be honest, that's always freaked me out. Fast and agile and angry, no one—not even our number one on this list—would want to face Noid, the mascot of Domino’s Pizza.

4 Subway Mascot

Via forbesmagazine.com

Yes, Subway has a mascot, and it's as uncreative as you can imagine: he’s a Subway sandwich. With his happy green eyes, adorable freckles, and bubbly smile, he opens his arms to all subway lovers. But those who've had a close look at his body have perceived his abs of steel and know he's one tough mascot to fight. We're not sure if it's because of his diet of Subway rolls or because he likes to go to the gym in his free time, but we know for certain that he'd win almost any fight.

3 Ronald McDonald

via Newsfeed

The mascots of mascots, Ronald McDonald has been the most popular and influential mascot of this time. Despite his freaky clown appearance that didn’t earn him much love during the clown sightings or the release of the move It, his popularity hasn’t really declined. That's not to say, however, that he'd be an easy match in any fight. He has free use of his whole body and large shoes good for kicking. He could even blind you with his happy smile and enthusiasm if he wanted to. That’s why Ronald McDonald is third place on this list.

2 Tony the Tiger of Kellogg’s

Via flickr.com

Tony the Tiger from Kellogg’s is a cool tiger with a bubbly personality and who loves breakfast. But there's a reason why this feline friend is in second place on the list. Have you seen how muscular his body is? Forget for a moment the fact that he’s a tiger with claws and a body made for hunting and teeth as sharp as knives. Kellogg’s wanted his customers to know that when you eat Kellogg’s breakfast every day, you’ll grow up strong and muscular like Tony the Tiger. He’d definitely win in any fight.

1 Burger King’s King

via Fortune

Who would’ve thought that the winner of it all, the one and only mascot that would win against any mascot in a fight, is no one less than Burger King’s mascot King! He’s not only strong and manly and also a king, but he also has the extra touch none of the other mascots have: persuasion. Our slithery friend here knows how to avoid any fight or win a fight through the art of talk. No one could possibly say no to the King! He’s a guy to laugh with and hang around with, and most of all, eat burgers with. And that’s why the King would win against all the other mascots in a fight.

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