www.therecipe.com

20 Things That Make No Sense About These Cereal Mascots

What's a breakfast cereal without a mascot? That's like a morning without a sunrise, a winter without snow, an AMC show without a panel discussion right afterward. We all grew up watching commercials for our favorite breakfast cereals that featured these colorful, silly, and sometimes downright irritating cereal mascots. They would tell us that these cereals were great, that they were for kids, and also that we should follow our noses to get to them. They became part of our childhoods as much as anything else. Anyone who says they never had a box of cereal with a brightly colored mascot on the front is straight up lying. We all ate cereal that featured a cartoon mascot during at least one point in our lives. Even the healthier cereals had their own mascots!

While these mascots were always kind of fun and silly, they do raise some serious questions when you start to think about them a little too much. Maybe the whole point is not to think about them too much, lest you start to think about just how wrong they are on almost every level. It's like advertising executives weren't even asking themselves these kinds of convoluted questions that only people who think way too much about things would bother to ask. Well, we here at TheRecipe are not ones to just let things go. We want to get right down to asking the real questions. We want to find out just what it is about these cereal mascots that makes them so wrong. These are 20 things that make no sense about any of the following cereal mascots.

20 Why would a dog want to eat chocolate chip cookies?

via twitter.com

Everyone who owns a dog knows that there is really one special rule above all else: don't let your dog eat chocolate. While humans can freely enjoy the taste of chocolate any time they want, chocolate can be fatal to dogs, as their bodies are unable to process it properly. This begs the question concerning Cookie Crisp, though. Why would a dog want to eat chocolate chip cookies? Doesn't he know that they are poisonous to him? What kind of owner is letting their dog get away with this kind of thing? Far from being cute, this is actually just alarming, and sending the wrong message to kids.

19 What exactly are Snap, Crackle, and Pop supposed to be?

via 360.advertisingweek.com

There are plenty of cereal mascots who make sense. A tiger? Got it. A leprechaun? Sure, why not? However, it's these three little sprites that seem to raise the most questions. What are they supposed to be, anyway? One of them is wearing a chef's hat, so they're cooks, right? But, one of them is just wearing a stocking cap, what's his deal? Then there's the other one, who looks like the grand marshal in a parade of some kind. How did these three disparate little sprites come to be friends? What is the nature of their relationship? What is their purpose in life other than listening to cereal?

18 The sun’s scoops of raisins would be enormous!

via pinterest.com

Everyone knows the whole deal with Raisin Bran: it has two scoops of raisins. The scoops are even right there on the front of the box, being held by the cereal's mascot, Sunny (super original name, by the way). Now, normally you're not supposed to think too much about this kind of thing, but at the Recipe, we love to overthink things. What's really got us baffled is the fact that if the sun really was holding two scoops of raisins, the size of those scoops would no doubt dwarf the entire Earth. Considering that the circumference of the sun is over 4 million kilometers, 100 times larger than Earth, those scoops would no doubt destroy us all.

17 Why does Tony the Tiger only wear a bandana?

via nydailynews.com

Tony the tiger is one of the most classic and well-known cereal mascots of all time. His catchphrase is cemented in the memories of almost everyone, and his enthusiasm for Frosted Flakes is unmatched. Why is it, though, that he only wears a bandana around his neck? If he wasn't wearing anything, we could all just forget about it and apply the logic that animals don't wear clothes. However, just having one piece of clothing around his neck begs the question: does Tony know about clothing? Does he understand the fact that he is wearing absolutely nothing except the bandana? It's a little odd when you start to think more about it.

16 Why does a leprechaun need lucky charms?

via youtube.com

Leprechauns are traditionally very mischievous and often trick people who try their hardest to get their pot of gold. However, that does not seem to be exactly true for Lucky, the leprechaun mascot of Lucky Charms. He's constantly losing his lucky charms to children, which makes him seem less than lucky. The question arises though: if leprechauns are so tricky and they already possess inherent good luck, then why does Lucky even need lucky charms? Whether its the cereal or literal charms to bring him luck, it just seems that a leprechaun who uses magic shouldn't need physical objects to make him luckier.

15 Why has the Cap’n never been promoted?

via bustle.com

The Captain (or Cap'n as he is known in the cereal world) who adorns every box of Captain Crunch has been doping his job for a very long time. He has been keeping his namesake cereal crispy, even when soaked in milk, and he has even gone on to create different versions like Crunch Berries and Peanut Butter Crunch. In all that time, though, this captain has never received a single promotion. By now, this guy should be an admiral, considering all of the good work that he has done. Look at his jacket: there isn;t even a single medal on there! This just seems completely unfair to someone who has been in the same rank for decades now.

14 Toucans have a terrible sense of smell

via popicon.life

Toucan Sam is still one of the most endearing and enduring cereal mascots. His catchphrase, encouraging people to "follow your nose!" remains one of the most well-known advertising slogans to this day. We could question what exactly is the point of following our noses to cereal when our eyes work just fine at picking out the bright red box, but we want to ask how a toucan is even able to smell a bowl of fruit loops in the first place? Toucans actually have a pretty bad sense of smell, meaning that if Toucan Sam was following his nose, he'd probably never actually find the fruit loops which he wants so badly.

13 Would a vampire really pick chocolate over blood?

via pinterest.com

Growing up, Count Chocula was the one cereal where if you actually convinced your parents to buy it, it was a huge accomplishment. After all, this cereal was practically begging parents to be against it. Chocolate cereal that also had marshmallows in it? Yeah, that's just asking for your kids to have a sugar crash at school. Of course, the cereal's namesake vampiric mascot also raised some disturbing questions, such as the fact that he would rather eat chocolate cereal than, you know, drink the blood of the living. That's generally a thing that vampires do, after all. Yet, Count Chocula was more interested in promoting a sugary cereal than feeding on people in order to support his longevity.

12 Why is the bee just giving away his honey?

via behance.net

Honey Nut Cheerios are a pretty great middle ground in terms of cereal. They are tasty enough to be enjoyed by kids who want something sweet to start their day, but they are not nearly as bad as some of the other sugary cereals out there, which are basically like eating candy for breakfast. It makes sense that a cereal which relies so heavily on the addition of honey to have a bee as its mascot, but if you really think about it, why would a bee be so happy about giving away its honey? After all, bees don't think they are making honey for humans. They are making it for themselves as a food source. So why is this bee so ready to just give up the honey he worked so hard to make?

11 Who even wants a frog at their breakfast table?

via popicon.life

Sugar smacks (later renamed to Honey Smacks when the word 'sugar' become sort of a curse for cereals) featured a very strange mascot. Dig 'Em Frog, who could only say the words "Dig 'em," would constantly show up at people's breakfast table to talk about how much he dug Sugar Smacks. However, this would be a very unwelcome event for any family. Who wants a frog that has been who-knows-where sitting on their breakfast table? That just seems like something that would really set most people off, and yet people would openly welcome this frog to their breakfasts. We suppose that kids would prbably think it was funny if a frog jumped onto the table while they were eating, but that would most likely set most adults right off.

10 Shouldn’t Sonny get some help for his cocoa puff addiction?

via reddit.com

We have all heard the expression "cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs," and there are probably a few people out there who do get really excited to eat this chocolate cereal (particularly if they are children). The catchphrase was spawned by the cereal's mascot, Sunny. This bird is constantly losing his mind over Cocoa Puffs, which really begs the question: how has there not been an intervention for this bird by this point? He literally goes insane any time the cereal is even mentioned. He is a danger to the people around him, considering how wild and unrestrained he becomes simply for a bowl of sugary cereal. Seriously, someone should really consider checking him into a facility where he can get some real help for his obvious addiction to Cocoa Puffs.

9 What does everyone have against a rabbit eating some cereal?

via grubstreet.com

"Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids!" So goes the classic taunt against this innocent, long-eared cereal mascot, who really could not even honestly endorse his own cereal since he had never had it. This was due to the fact that kids, for some reason, refused to share their cereal with him. If you really start to think about it, if the rabbit had never had Trix, then he wouldn't know how delicious they are. That means that at some point, he did have a bowl of Trix, but has since been denied having them again. That just seems needlessly cruel to us, and really that poor rabbit should be allowed to partake in the cereal that bears his face on the box.

8 Did a scientist named Frankenberry build Frankenberry?

via cbr.com

Back in the day, there was a wave of monster-themed cereals, which included Count Chocula, but also a cereal called Fruit Brute (whose mascot was a werewolf), Frankenberry, and Boo Berry (more on that particular cereal, later). Frankenberry is kind of a confusing one. The mascot for this strawberry flavored cereal was a Frankenstinish monster who was also pink and appeared to have been built in a lab. Does that mean that there is a Dr. Frankenberry and this is Frankenberry's monster? Is this what Mary Shelley had in mind when she wrote her critical horror novel that at once questioned the nature of humanity and made a sharp criticism of the industrial revolution? Probably not.

7 Why would people want to eat what a rooster eats?

via walmart.com

There are plenty of cereal mascots who have absolutely nothing to do with the product they are selling (why would a Tiger have any interest in Frosted Flakes? Why does a frog want to eat any cereal not made of bugs?), but sometimes having a mascot that is so closely associated with the food can also raise some eyebrows. For example, the rooster on the box of Corn Flakes. What is this supposed to signify? That chickens eat corn, too? Why is this supposed to make anyone feel better about what they are eating? People don't want to think that the food they're starting their day with is also something that could be fed to poultry.

6 Why should anyone let a computer tell them what to do?

via forthemommas.com

Alpha-Bits are the Alpha-Ghetti of breakfast cereals. It could be a lot of fun to try and spell out words in your spoon, but most kids would probably just eat them (or, maybe, use them for a craft project that would eventually be thrown out). The cereal has had plenty of mascots over the years, and at one point the mascot was a computer named Alpha. He loved Alpha-Bits and talking about the virtue of a cereal made of letters. This was troubling for at least one good reason: why should humans just listen to what computer tells them to do with absolutely no critical thought? That just seems like what the machines want us to do!

5 Why is that bear such a smooth talker?

via youtube.com

There might not be any cereal mascot who is more of a smooth talker than Sugar Bear. Even his name makes him sound like he should be selling cereal by sitting behind a piano topped with a candelabra and talking about how good it feels to eat Sugar Crisp. After all, he can't get enough of it, which he sings in his Barry White-esque baritone. This raises the question of why this bear has to be such a smooth talker in the first place. What exactly is he trying to pull? How old is he really that his voice is that low? Is it just because he's a bear? No matter what the answer is, it just seems like this bear is a little too smooth to be a cereal spokesman.

4 Why would the Flintstones want to eat pebbles?

via walmart.com

The Flintstones was an innovative cartoon about what the lives of cavemen would be like if they pretty much had all of the same comforts that we enjoy in the modern world (it was also heavily ripped off of The Honeymooners, but that's beside the point). The characters all had rock-based names, and there were plenty of rock and dinosaur-based puns in the show. Which begs the question: why would the Flintstones ever eat a cereal called "Pebbles?" Wouldn't that word, to them, just literally mean pebbles? Or would Fred just be confused as to why a cereal had been named after his daughter?

3 A ghost would never be able to actually eat cereal

via amazon.com

Remember how we mentioned a cereal called Boo Berry in a previous entry? Well, this is what we were talking about. this is yet another cereal in the pantheon of monster-themed cereals. this one is blueberry flavored and features a ghost as its mascot. This is where the problems begin to come up. Why would a ghost ever be able to endorse a cereal? Due to the lack of a corporeal form, there is no way that a ghost could ever even eat cereal. In fact, it might not even be able to taste anything due to the lack of physical taste buds. Maybe he just likes the color? Wait, can ghosts see colors?

2 Who really cares if Mikey likes it?

via pinterest.com

Back in the day (and we mean way, way back in the day) Life cereal had a commercial where everyone was astounded that a kid named Mikey actually liked the cereal. This was apparently a huge deal because Mikey doesn't like anything. At least, that's what we were supposed to think, but who even is this "Mikey?" He means nothing to any of us, so why should it matter at all if he likes Life cereal? Also, if he is that picky of an eater, there is no way that Life, in all its soggy blandness, was the cereal that made him come around.

1 What exactly is the expression on the Quaker’s face?

via pinterest.com

Anyone who has ever eaten a bowl of oatmeal or bought any sort of oat-based product in the past has definitely seen this face on their products. This guy is the namesake quaker of the Quaker Oats company. His friendly face beams out from every package of food made by the company. But wait... Is his face friendly? Is he smiling? or is he wincing? What exactly is the expression on his face? He looks like he is either somewhat happy about people eating oats or he is disappointed in how the modern world has turned out (which, really, we don't blame him that much). So what is that expression? Is he judging us? Well, you know what, Mr. Quaker? None of us need that kind of stress at breakfast!

More in Slice of Life